yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
