i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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