Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
