Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
