your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
