Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
