Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
