saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
