remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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