Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
