his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
