"it" just moved
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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