just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.