Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning