is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
