What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
