It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar