I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!