im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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