I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
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Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck