last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
