ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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