I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
