We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize