When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
