Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
