she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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