You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
