Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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