Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
