I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
