I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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