make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
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My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
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And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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