you traded sex for a burrito?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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