dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
