The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
