carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
