he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize