That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
