she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
