I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
