I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
