I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
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They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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