I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
