my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
