I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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