I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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