He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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