I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
