I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
