I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
