Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
