News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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