I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
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