it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't deserve a penis
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
