Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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