Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
