I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
