Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The feeling are messing with the penis
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
