The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
