I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
