he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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