Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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