if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
