Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
