you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
