ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
it was like eating out sand paper
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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