This girl is more easily done than said...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
