6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
