Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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