Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I am puke
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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