It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
