i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
