Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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