porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
