a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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