If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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